Jim SpearsPresenting Liberalbot
July 1st 2008 11:54
The world is changing so fast it’s getting frightening; Spain are Champions of Europe and England are the great underachievers of football. That stable world has gone and democracy could falter next. Democracy’s continued importance can only be assured through technological innovations.
Today’s party leader is faced with the complicated task of locating and developing individual human skills, if capable humans can’t be found the party suffers. If humans are the problem then Liberalbot is the answer!
Liberal engineers have been working alongside programmers to bring you the greatest development in robotics history: “Controversy-Evasion Technology”. The service-oriented architecture of earlier Liberalbots has been replaced by event-driven architecture giving party politics a new face. This design provides Liberalbot with more choices based on a catalogue of events, tested in labs, giving it a unique mental agency: Liberalbot’s “Knee-Jerk Apology” is just one feature that has emerged out of our rigorous testing. Essentially Liberalbot reacts to reaction delivering an apology, resignation or teary confession as circumstances demand.
In today’s political climate physical agency is crucial to success. So you’ll be happy to know that Liberalbot’s physicality has impressed in “Human Behaviour” tests. The key indicator of performance, “Hooman Pressure”, is the patented measure of Liberalbot’s “human” performance. Engineers use this to distinguish between "how [Liberalbot] responds to stress … Obviously … making a speech is a lot more stressful than going for a run.” For Liberalbot a jog is easier to replicate because it is purely mechanical, “Hooman Pressure” is ramped up when Liberalbot replicates reasoning, emotion etc. Liberalbot hums at an average of 112/63, well below the industry standard 120/70, with a low “peak” of 158/117 when delivering a speech.
With so many impressive features you’d be right to think Liberalbot could almost run the country but don’t worry because Liberalbot’s awesome potential is controlled by you, the party leader. Liberalbot is the party member of the future bringing security and sycophancy to any leadership.
Today’s party leader is faced with the complicated task of locating and developing individual human skills, if capable humans can’t be found the party suffers. If humans are the problem then Liberalbot is the answer!
Liberal engineers have been working alongside programmers to bring you the greatest development in robotics history: “Controversy-Evasion Technology”. The service-oriented architecture of earlier Liberalbots has been replaced by event-driven architecture giving party politics a new face. This design provides Liberalbot with more choices based on a catalogue of events, tested in labs, giving it a unique mental agency: Liberalbot’s “Knee-Jerk Apology” is just one feature that has emerged out of our rigorous testing. Essentially Liberalbot reacts to reaction delivering an apology, resignation or teary confession as circumstances demand.
Liberalbot at testing facility. Courtesy www.smh.com
In today’s political climate physical agency is crucial to success. So you’ll be happy to know that Liberalbot’s physicality has impressed in “Human Behaviour” tests. The key indicator of performance, “Hooman Pressure”, is the patented measure of Liberalbot’s “human” performance. Engineers use this to distinguish between "how [Liberalbot] responds to stress … Obviously … making a speech is a lot more stressful than going for a run.” For Liberalbot a jog is easier to replicate because it is purely mechanical, “Hooman Pressure” is ramped up when Liberalbot replicates reasoning, emotion etc. Liberalbot hums at an average of 112/63, well below the industry standard 120/70, with a low “peak” of 158/117 when delivering a speech.
With so many impressive features you’d be right to think Liberalbot could almost run the country but don’t worry because Liberalbot’s awesome potential is controlled by you, the party leader. Liberalbot is the party member of the future bringing security and sycophancy to any leadership.
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