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On the 24th November 2007 it was boldly announced that Australia had experienced a political transformation. The government had changed and the media were in raptures over the implications. The media's myopia and ignorance make them unworthy protectors of the public good and so an ordinary man stepped from the shadows to protect, analyse and inform...He is The Swagman.

Aussie Miscalculations The Cane Toad

October 22nd 2008 18:52
The Australian government is putting the nation's best spinning efforts in to nation building and everyone has an obligation to help. Funnel webs inspire fear, koalas compassion and fuzziness but the cane toad is reviled by all. Everyone acknowledges some big mistakes have been in Australia but a collective effort against the cane toad could be the start of a wider healing process.

In a study by the New Zealand based Invasive Species Specialist Group (ISSG) the cane toad was voted one the '100 Worlds Worst Invasive Species'with rabbits and domestic cats. Heady company considering the toads have only been in Australia since August 1935. Cane beetles were attacking cane fields in northern Queensland. The locals brought in some toads. 101 toads were transported from Hawaii to North Queensland, breeding almost immediately while in captivity. In six months authorities released 60,000 toads. And the war began.


Your enemy
Make the choice: Kill or be killed
Look at the picture, if you want to kill it read on. If not then this battle isn't for you; ask no questions. The cane toad is the fastest moving anuran (tailless stout bodied amphibian) ever; recorded measurements include 264 m a night, 21 800 m in 30 days, expanding its range from Burketown in Qld at 27 km per year. The cane toad's determined push is uneffected by rainfall (dry or wet season) with 'continual colonization of new areas by small, sexually immature toads. If current rates of expansion continue, cane toads will have colonized the 'Top End' of the Northern Territory by the year 2027.'


Sexual maurity will come within two years; at times the two egg cycle can start after six months. Between 8000 and 35,000 eggs can be layed twice a year over four and a half years on average. With no natural predator the percentage of eggs that mature in to toads would be high; the toad is poisonous through out its entire life; from a wee tadpole to grotesque thing. If eaten a poison is released that will cause heart failure; Bufotenine toxin produced by Bufo marinus is used as an aphrodisiac and hair-restorer in Japan. In mainland China it is used to lower the heart rate of patients undergoing cardiac surgery, South American Indians use it on hunting arrows. The toxin is even used as a narcotic by some people, the toad must be stopped. The creature seem blessed with talent for procreation and destruction the convinces one the toad has friends in really high places.

Evolution seems to have helped the toad develop the appearance of a species that has been fighting for existence every minute for millions of years. but the Queensland government maintains the cane toad is "not a declared pest in Queensland so there is no legal requirement to control them." That's cool for a covert op like this it's best the government not be involved. They give the individual discretion over cane toad control. If you see one, for the good of the nation kill it.

What science can't tell you is that your average cane toad can take a hell of a beating. A fork is for veterans but a spade is a good amateur's tool. The spade forming a good shield against the spitting. Moving southwards at 1.3 km per year they have been seen as far south as Lismore; the southern threat recieved a boost from the deliberate introduction of the toad to Byron Bay in 1965. If you decide to lick toads you have to kill the toads. Damn long hairs. As it stands the cane toad threatens to take northern Australia and is beating a path to your door. The cane toad is on the conservation list as least concern. Right next to humans.
Spreading like a virus
Cane toads on their way to hurt you


The cane toad's promiscuous lifestyle keeps it ahead of humans breeding at a rate beyond our abilities. Kill or be killed, like the funnel web said "If the toad could kill you he would."

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